Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sleep walking fool

I'm still mulling over my conversation with Mike on Sunday about the possibility of his taking a transfer to Florida or California. I guess I never wrote about our conversation about a month ago. He received a very humiliating demotion & pay cut the end of last year and he's been absolutely miserable, de-humanized, mortified, angry, and depressed ever since. He has said more than once that he wants to quit, but there really aren't any jobs out there, and he's worked there most of his adult life. So he really has felt very trapped since he's too young to retire, I've felt so bad for him. Anyway, about a month ago we were talking, he was sober, and he says to me out of the blue, "Do you think you'd be better off with another guy?" I immediately answered Yes. He was never so surprised. I said, well Mike, everyone thinks I should find a man who will treat me right. He goes, why would anyone say that? I said, well my friends think you treat me like shit and he couldn't believe it, he said that's not true, who says that - who knows how I treat you anyway. I said, I have good friends and family that know you don't take me out in public, you have never introduced me to your family, you act like I'm your dirty little secret, like I'm just a booty call, like I'm your mistress & that in fact you are still with your X, and it all makes me feel terrible. My family hates you for all the times you've dumped me and broken my heart. The only friends who don't criticize you are Kate, CP, and T. [that made him feel a little better.] I said, why do you ask [he never never wants to talk about our "relationship" or status so this was really a shocking question coming from him.] He said, well there's a chance I will be taking a transfer to our branch in California and I don't know what to do about you, I don't want to drop you flat. That knocked the breath out of me, I was devastated for a moment. I said, "Take me with you." He was surprised again, he said "I didn't think of that." [My Dad was distinctly unimpressed by that statement - he wonders why Mike wouldn't have even considered taking me.] Mike then said, you would leave your grandchildren? You'd have to get a job. I said I could find a job and I could get a CA real estate license. I said I would hate to leave my grandchildren but that I would go anywhere with him and I'm in it for the long haul. He sat there thinking about it all & then said, well let's see what happens, we don't need to discuss it until we know for sure. I'd have prefered to keep discussing it, but let it go. As it turns out, soon after that he took me home to meet his mother and the following week he Took Me Out in Public so things are only getting better.

Now on this past Sunday, his mention of Florida being an alternate option to California surprised me briefly. Then I remembered our mutual friend EV, who works for the same company as Mike, had told me years ago that he wanted to transfer to their Florida branch some day but I was under the impression that it was on the west coast. Anyway, I looked it up online & the location is actually on the east coast, it would be a 3 hour drive to my parents on the west coast. Bummer, that was a bit disappointing although, duh, it's about 22 hours closer to them than I am now. I worry about their health, we've had too many scares from each of them, and it can only get worse as they age.

As attractive as the idea of living in CA is, it would be horrible to move so far from my girls. I hate going a couple of weeks without seeing them now, if I move to CA it would be more like many months at a time without them. I would miss so much of them growing up. Of course, there's streaming web cams but it wouldn't be the same as holding them in my arms. So, Florida is so much closer it wouldn't seem so bad & I would plan to come home often for visits. If I were self-employed again frequent visits wouldn't be an issue as opposed to a regular job.

The thing is, I'm really afraid he'll leave me behind. I slept-walked last night, woke up on the couch with no recollection of going downstairs although I remember going to bed in the bedroom first. I'm not getting a lot of sleep this week.


Fancy Schmancy said...

Kouf, so many things to comment on, so little short term memory on my part.

I'm sending you an email rather than putting my thoughts on this into a public forum.


daquilajmd said...

I don't know if I'm repeating myself or not. I thought I had already sent a comment. If not, here it is again: Wow! That would be a big move!!! I'm glad he's finally treating you as the woman you deserve to be treated like (awkwardly phrased). He sounds pretty serious!

daquilajmd said...

Okay. Here we go again for the third time! Hahahaha! I have to assume now that my other comments went through. I just don't know how to use this thing yet. Duh!

daquilajmd said...

Let me know if you received my previous comments.

Sassy DaffyKassy said...

Fantz I never got an email from you.